Tomorrow begins my prep for surgery. All liquid diet with a kicker of Mag Citrate to help it all get out the other end more effectively. It is a nasty business. Truly nasty. One that I had never hoped to have to endure again until I was 50 and had to get another colonoscopy done. But alas, I am but 39 and here I go again...
I have been running at a very high state of anxiety as I await Monday morning and my once in a lifetime hysterectomy. Part of me is glad all that childbearing apparatus will be gone, because, thankfully, those days are over and done with. Part of me is super excited to not have to deal with the monthly "present" anymore (disclaimer..if people can discuss their children's diaper habits and potty training events, I suppose it is ok to mention the "present"). But the description that I received last week about what all the procedure involves is, quite frankly disturbing, and has me just a little freaked out. Then to add insult upon injury, they make you sign the disclaimer that makes you aware that brain damage and death (as well as many other undesirable things) are possibilities during the surgery. Nice. My doctor tells me that it will all be worth it in the end, and that I will feel so much better. I wish he'd given me some sedatives last week so that I could make it through the rest of the week like a mellow mushroom. That would have made me feel better, or at least made me a little more bearable to be around.
I keep thinking- if I can run a 1/2 marathon, surely this will be a walk in the park. I know that with Jesus, all things are possible, even peace in the middle of this "storm." All I have to do is keep my eyes focused upon Him and He will keep me walking on the water. If I doubt and turn my eyes to the surrounding circumstances, I will sink. But thankfully, He is always there to lift me up. Lord Jesus...you are so very, very good! So it is with great anticipation and renewed courage that I embark upon this surgical journey, ready to see all the ways that the Lord will provide and ready to praise Him when He does!
You will do great!! If you weren't nervous you wouldn't be human - it's quite normal I think. Good luck to you and the rest of the family. We all will be thinking of you!
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